Blunt Force Truth: I have been living my entire life to other people’s standards. In the past.
I always knew I was different. I just didn’t know how different. I didn’t know I was differently abled. That explains why I had to try so hard to compete to win. That was my social conditioning growing up — “win at all costs.” That’s how I learned collaboration over competition by not following the norm.
I look back now with a new understanding. My whole life I’ve been experiencing symptoms of fatigue in my body and mind. Not being sleepy. Being unable to go at a normal pace like others. That’s why I learned not to compare myself to others. For every ounce of pain in the past, there is now a higher lesson.
It’s only recently that I’ve realized that I’ve been trying to go at a normal pace all my life. I literally have to budget the energy I have every day. I can’t do too much. Can’t exercise too much. I can’t even feel too much. Because it triggers a crash. So I go at my own pace.
I recently attended a masterclass where two individuals shared breakthroughs that hit home for me. One was about cycling. It wasn’t about the equipment or how the competition tried to dismiss her. It was about finishing the ride one milestone at a time. Another shared about financial success. His competitors seemed to have more, but he did one investment at a time — a strategy that succeeded long-term, even through market crashes.
Success doesn’t have to be a big win.
It’s lots of little wins.
And this whole time I’ve been pushing myself, wanting to do more writing, more workshops, and more music.
It was a huge step publishing a book. I couldn’t keep up with everything needed to market it though. Psst it’s available still. And I still have more in the works… Learning NLP to help people transform their limitations (what I’m doing for me right now) was huge. But after I launched my first program, Mandatory SLAY at Home, I crashed.
I never talked about this.
I want to share the success stories. This isn’t the typical success story though.
I asked myself, why do people share nothing but success stories when our authentic vulnerability and healing comes from smaller successes and even hiccups along the way?
I’m done comparing and competing. The power is in collaboration. And that is the key to my healing. Because my energy levels are not normal, I tend to feel all alone. Here’s the hiccups that inspire the higher learning. I have difficulty finding support. Not just around one area. I am inspired to elicit support creating transformational workshops. I also want to start new music projects (I just wired up my living room for live streaming band performances). I also desire to attract a loving partner. Just feels damn near impossible. That’s why I don’t compete for love. I don’t try to impress. I just focus on being the best version of me I can be.
Here’s where it’s important to honor and love what comes up.
I recently learned that a side effect of my immune system is depression. For every hiccup that’s taken me out of my power in the past, it is liberating to know that my reaction wasn’t even mine in the first place. Just the body responding to inflammation.
I learned this by practicing what I preach. By observing. Witnessing. Not claiming difficulty as my identity. Just letting what comes flow.
So what’s the higher lesson for me now?
What’s different?
I’m going to stop beating myself up for not being as successful as I think I should be based on other people’s expectations.
I will celebrate the little wins even more.
I will also celebrate setbacks.
Because this whole energy thing that’s affected me since childhood — it’s just a temporary setback for me to learn something new about myself.
Just don’t expect normal. 😉
Bonus mind hack: When you expect less, you get more.
We get to co-create exactly what’s best for us.
And that creates entirely new realities. Literally opening portals into parallel universes with new versions of ourselves.
Maybe I’m just a space case after all. Or maybe that’s exactly what this world needs right now. Someone to break free of the norms from our social conditioning.
Welcome to my world. Let’s explore.
=D
